So I have been thinking about how I react when "he" pisses me off and I am becoming one of those women I don't want to be. When he pisses me off instead of a need to look at the situation and deal with it and him, I will call other guys to get attention from them. I don't do anything with them but I just want some man to pay attention to me. I know where this stems from--I have "daddy" issues. I know I need to work those out but it is so difficult to talk to my dad. He thinks that I don't like him b/c he dated his girlfriend. I could care less about their relationship--if he likes it I love it.
The biggest issue I have with my father is the lack of helping my mother out. My mother has sacrificed from day one and I can't say the same for him. My mother never took him to court for child support so he didn't have to take care of me. I just feel like if you make a baby you should take care of the baby. I can remember one time when I was in college my father didn't help my mother pay my room and board b/c he wanted to buy a new car. My mother had enough money to pay for half of my room and board. My mother came up with the other half of my room and board. I just hate that my mother was always sacrificing like she created me all by herself.
I never really thought about how this affected me when I was younger. When I was younger I remember dating this guy and we talked regularly about how my dad treated me. Whenever he did something that upset me (not being there when I needed him) he would always apologize and say that he wanted to treat me better than my father did. I appreciated that so much. We remained friends up until a couple of years ago. He eventually abandoned me for some woman who had way more daddy issues than I could ever think about.
I see how my relationship with my father has messed up other relationships. I need to forgive him to ensure that when the man that God is preparing for me comes along I will be in the best position to make that relationship work. I am working on forgiving him--I pray regularly that God shows me how.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
Why?
Why does he have the ability to piss me off so easily? I really try but I think it is time to completely move on. I think I really need to change my phone number. I can't bear that idea. I have had my phone number for 4 years and I am kind of attached to it. But anyway he pisses me off regularly b/c of his lack of communication skills.
My Addictions
Hey I know we all have addictions and I just wanted to tell you a few of mine.
1. A certain man who most days of the week I can't stand him--one of those emotionally detached ones. I need something to break the addiction--right now I am praying for a release.
2. TV--especially crime shows. Don't call me when Law & Order or the Closer is on. I am not even talking about new episodes. I faithfully watch the reruns of Law & Order daily. I watch them like I have never seen the episode before.
3. Shopping--it is tough being addicted to shopping when you have no job.
4. Books--I am reading this wonderful book right now (All God's Children) and I can't put it down even though it gives me horrible nightmares.
5. Sweets--I have cravings for sweets daily. I try to fight it but I can't.
6. Bread--anything bready is my friend. With the last two I am asking for diabetes.
7. My privacy--I hate when people question me. Don't ask me a question unless you know my mood. Chances are I am in a mood for privacy.
8. The internet--I am on the internet constantly with absolutely nothing to look at.
9. Games--I love to play games like spider solitaire or free cell. Last night I forgot all about the Wire b/c of Bejeweled 2 on MSN.
That's it for now but I am sure that I have a few more addictions that I am willing to share later on.
1. A certain man who most days of the week I can't stand him--one of those emotionally detached ones. I need something to break the addiction--right now I am praying for a release.
2. TV--especially crime shows. Don't call me when Law & Order or the Closer is on. I am not even talking about new episodes. I faithfully watch the reruns of Law & Order daily. I watch them like I have never seen the episode before.
3. Shopping--it is tough being addicted to shopping when you have no job.
4. Books--I am reading this wonderful book right now (All God's Children) and I can't put it down even though it gives me horrible nightmares.
5. Sweets--I have cravings for sweets daily. I try to fight it but I can't.
6. Bread--anything bready is my friend. With the last two I am asking for diabetes.
7. My privacy--I hate when people question me. Don't ask me a question unless you know my mood. Chances are I am in a mood for privacy.
8. The internet--I am on the internet constantly with absolutely nothing to look at.
9. Games--I love to play games like spider solitaire or free cell. Last night I forgot all about the Wire b/c of Bejeweled 2 on MSN.
That's it for now but I am sure that I have a few more addictions that I am willing to share later on.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Thursday Randomness
Love you to death but really a french roll?
I tried to offer an olive branch but the lack of a thank you card killed that. I didn't give you a present with the intent to receive a thank you card but since you are all uppity and what not I thought you would think about addressing one to me.
Speaking of thank you cards why did you get married in November and still haven't sent out thank you cards? I didn't expect one b/c I didn't buy you anything but my mom did.
You can use my phrase anytime you choose.
Also you can start the NJ/NY chapter--me and my girl got the GA chapter going. Now only if we can get people to realize that they are dating these emotionally detached men.
With that being said I guess step one should be admitting that he is emotionally detached.
I choose to be a ride or die b/c that is what I expect of my friends but trust and believe ride or die isn't for everyone.
Why do people think I have an attitude--maybe if these people are wronged lilke they do me wrong they would understand my "attitude". Walking in the hot sun for no reason is not my idea of a good time when I have a car.
Still waiting on my phone call--you are full of crap. The sad thing is this statement applies to a couple of people. Don't ask me why I haven't called these people--I have and I am no longer calling. Some people even got deleted. When my phone number changes don't be surprised if you are not a recipient of the number.
I tried to offer an olive branch but the lack of a thank you card killed that. I didn't give you a present with the intent to receive a thank you card but since you are all uppity and what not I thought you would think about addressing one to me.
Speaking of thank you cards why did you get married in November and still haven't sent out thank you cards? I didn't expect one b/c I didn't buy you anything but my mom did.
You can use my phrase anytime you choose.
Also you can start the NJ/NY chapter--me and my girl got the GA chapter going. Now only if we can get people to realize that they are dating these emotionally detached men.
With that being said I guess step one should be admitting that he is emotionally detached.
I choose to be a ride or die b/c that is what I expect of my friends but trust and believe ride or die isn't for everyone.
Why do people think I have an attitude--maybe if these people are wronged lilke they do me wrong they would understand my "attitude". Walking in the hot sun for no reason is not my idea of a good time when I have a car.
Still waiting on my phone call--you are full of crap. The sad thing is this statement applies to a couple of people. Don't ask me why I haven't called these people--I have and I am no longer calling. Some people even got deleted. When my phone number changes don't be surprised if you are not a recipient of the number.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Random Thoughts
Gem from Sunday's Sermon--It isn't judging if you are telling the truth. (Not the only thing I learned but I have had to use it more than once.)
"What do you mean?" I said it in simple English (I don't like you)--no need to decipher some crazy statement.
Do some of your friends make you want to grab them and shake them when it comes to men? I haven't made the best decisions when it comes to men but I don't go from one bad situation to another. Take a break. I want to get married but I know that it isn't going to happen in my present state.
Why do you set yourself up for the okie doke? If you did it with the last man and he is no longer around do you really think it is going to work with the next man.
Starting a support group for women who date man that are emotionally detached. Working on the 12 step program now. Give me some ideas!
You are not my friend b/c you don't have time for me. I understand that we are all busy but it has been over a month. We make time for who we want to make time for. Better yet you aren't too busy for Facebook but you are too busy for me. Don't we know by now that Facebook will get you everytime. It is just as bad as MySpace.
I am tired of being "ride or die" when you are fair weather.
If I were to get married next week I know exactly who would be in my wedding. The sad thing it is a very short list. To a certain special someone--thanks for being so supportive and knowing that I will move even when I don't know.
I am going through a test right now so I know my testimony will be amazing--stay tuned!
I hope you enjoy your birthday just like I enjoyed mine! And if you don't remember how I enjoyed mine--it was without you.
Why do you date a man who doesn't want your friends to know about him? Why do you date a man who was in a serious relationship while you were dating him? I am concerned about you and you are not heeding my warning to be careful. This is one of those times where I don't want to hear it when isht hits the fan.
I miss you!
When you are doing something as a professional why don't you spell check and whatnot? Do you really think I want to give you my business and you can't spell?
I pray for you regularly. I also pray that the Lord will teach me how to forgive you.
Do I care about Michael Vick? No, so stop asking me about him and his plea deal. I don't work for the State's Attorney nor do I want to. Criminals scare me!
Why, every time you call me, do you ask me the same questions---my answers don't change so pick some new questions or stop calling. Why do you ask me legal questions? I don't want to talk about anything legal after I leave work unless it is a personal question--meaning don't ask me about the Supreme Court, Michael Vick and so forth and so on.
If you insist upon asking me a legal question do not tell me what you know about something legal. You have never been to law school so don't tell me how the legal process goes. I may not be competent about everything legal but I do know procedure.
"What do you mean?" I said it in simple English (I don't like you)--no need to decipher some crazy statement.
Do some of your friends make you want to grab them and shake them when it comes to men? I haven't made the best decisions when it comes to men but I don't go from one bad situation to another. Take a break. I want to get married but I know that it isn't going to happen in my present state.
Why do you set yourself up for the okie doke? If you did it with the last man and he is no longer around do you really think it is going to work with the next man.
Starting a support group for women who date man that are emotionally detached. Working on the 12 step program now. Give me some ideas!
You are not my friend b/c you don't have time for me. I understand that we are all busy but it has been over a month. We make time for who we want to make time for. Better yet you aren't too busy for Facebook but you are too busy for me. Don't we know by now that Facebook will get you everytime. It is just as bad as MySpace.
I am tired of being "ride or die" when you are fair weather.
If I were to get married next week I know exactly who would be in my wedding. The sad thing it is a very short list. To a certain special someone--thanks for being so supportive and knowing that I will move even when I don't know.
I am going through a test right now so I know my testimony will be amazing--stay tuned!
I hope you enjoy your birthday just like I enjoyed mine! And if you don't remember how I enjoyed mine--it was without you.
Why do you date a man who doesn't want your friends to know about him? Why do you date a man who was in a serious relationship while you were dating him? I am concerned about you and you are not heeding my warning to be careful. This is one of those times where I don't want to hear it when isht hits the fan.
I miss you!
When you are doing something as a professional why don't you spell check and whatnot? Do you really think I want to give you my business and you can't spell?
I pray for you regularly. I also pray that the Lord will teach me how to forgive you.
Do I care about Michael Vick? No, so stop asking me about him and his plea deal. I don't work for the State's Attorney nor do I want to. Criminals scare me!
Why, every time you call me, do you ask me the same questions---my answers don't change so pick some new questions or stop calling. Why do you ask me legal questions? I don't want to talk about anything legal after I leave work unless it is a personal question--meaning don't ask me about the Supreme Court, Michael Vick and so forth and so on.
If you insist upon asking me a legal question do not tell me what you know about something legal. You have never been to law school so don't tell me how the legal process goes. I may not be competent about everything legal but I do know procedure.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Last Week
I was excited and then he let me down. I am still going with the flow but I am disappointed.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Lonely
My hometown is a lonely place. After 7 1/2 years of higher education I do not mesh well here. I promised myself once I got my first place that I would never move back in with my mother, clearly I had to eat those words b/c that is exactly where I am. I don't have any friends here b/c I haven't really hung out with anybody in forever. I guess I am so used to being around my undergrad, grad and sorority friends. There is nothing to do here either. I miss my friends. I try to hang out with them regularly but then I feel like I am bothering them b/c I have to spend the night with them. I just really need my own space that is not in my hometown. I want to leave home but I haven't been lucky in the job market.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Speaking On It
Can someone explain to me how you give your toddler cocaine and marijuana? I know if it made sense there would be something wrong with me but I still had to ask.
Soul Food Season 2 is on DVD--I am excited! I watch Soul Food on BETJ most nights--I am watching the series finale right now.
Something is in the air--I don't know what it is but for the time being I am enjoying it. It's kind of scary but I am going with the flow.
Is it really that women have bad taste in men or is it that women want to be in a relationship so bad they don't look at the man? How much time can you invest in a relationship before you decide whether it just isn't working? Should you leave when the going get toughs or wait out the rough spot?
When you are in a relationship with a different person but the exact same stuff happens that happened in previous relationships, shouldn't you take a break instead of going on to a new relationship?
If you say you are going to take a break that means no dating anyone. Think about the issues you had in the previous relationship.
I have a secret that disturbs me a little. I don't know what to do but I am sure it will all work itself out. (Don't worry I don't need to borrow any money from anybody.)
I haven't been to the movies since July 1. There are so many movies I want to see.
I have so many reasons to be happy--thank you God for sending me so many blessings!
The other day my friend reminded me of a person that is no longer my friend. I don't regret losing that person as a friend. That person said so much and did the exact opposite. How can you claim to be my friend when you cannot be honest with me. Look me in my face and say I am going on vacation and come back with a wife. I am happy that you are married b/c it is what you wanted but my issue is you really claimed to be my best friend and came back from vacation/planned elopement married. You talked about that woman like a dog days before and then you married her. I don't understand that one and I don't want to understand it.
Soul Food Season 2 is on DVD--I am excited! I watch Soul Food on BETJ most nights--I am watching the series finale right now.
Something is in the air--I don't know what it is but for the time being I am enjoying it. It's kind of scary but I am going with the flow.
Is it really that women have bad taste in men or is it that women want to be in a relationship so bad they don't look at the man? How much time can you invest in a relationship before you decide whether it just isn't working? Should you leave when the going get toughs or wait out the rough spot?
When you are in a relationship with a different person but the exact same stuff happens that happened in previous relationships, shouldn't you take a break instead of going on to a new relationship?
If you say you are going to take a break that means no dating anyone. Think about the issues you had in the previous relationship.
I have a secret that disturbs me a little. I don't know what to do but I am sure it will all work itself out. (Don't worry I don't need to borrow any money from anybody.)
I haven't been to the movies since July 1. There are so many movies I want to see.
I have so many reasons to be happy--thank you God for sending me so many blessings!
The other day my friend reminded me of a person that is no longer my friend. I don't regret losing that person as a friend. That person said so much and did the exact opposite. How can you claim to be my friend when you cannot be honest with me. Look me in my face and say I am going on vacation and come back with a wife. I am happy that you are married b/c it is what you wanted but my issue is you really claimed to be my best friend and came back from vacation/planned elopement married. You talked about that woman like a dog days before and then you married her. I don't understand that one and I don't want to understand it.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Tell It
Why is there a new member of Floetry? What is that about?
Aaron McGruder is supposed to be coming out with a new season of the Boondocks---so excited (got the first season on DVD)!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did I fall as I was leaving church today? Somehow I slipped and hit the inside of my left foot and the outside of my left arm. I can't explain it. It hurt but the pain was bearable.
So yesterday I noticed that I am informed that I am silly or crazy at least 3 times a week. I like to be entertaining so I don't mind this statement. My friend told me that it is not something I do on purpose it just happens. I say things so matter of factly and you don't expect it to be said that you have to find it funny (if you are not offended).
I wish I could have enjoyed tax free weekend but I have no money and no reason to go shopping.
I am upset that I have yet to see the season finale of Law and Order: SVU with Ludacris. If anybody know when it is coming back on let me know.
I went back to Athens on Friday--wasn't as bad as I thought. At some point I have to go back b/c I have gift certificates for the spa.
I had a peconbon--that made my whole weekend. Ok maybe not the peconbon--one of my close friends came down for the weekend. Miss her man :(
Aaron McGruder is supposed to be coming out with a new season of the Boondocks---so excited (got the first season on DVD)!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did I fall as I was leaving church today? Somehow I slipped and hit the inside of my left foot and the outside of my left arm. I can't explain it. It hurt but the pain was bearable.
So yesterday I noticed that I am informed that I am silly or crazy at least 3 times a week. I like to be entertaining so I don't mind this statement. My friend told me that it is not something I do on purpose it just happens. I say things so matter of factly and you don't expect it to be said that you have to find it funny (if you are not offended).
I wish I could have enjoyed tax free weekend but I have no money and no reason to go shopping.
I am upset that I have yet to see the season finale of Law and Order: SVU with Ludacris. If anybody know when it is coming back on let me know.
I went back to Athens on Friday--wasn't as bad as I thought. At some point I have to go back b/c I have gift certificates for the spa.
I had a peconbon--that made my whole weekend. Ok maybe not the peconbon--one of my close friends came down for the weekend. Miss her man :(
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Concerned
I am concerned about me at this very moment! I don't have a job and I have a job offer. I have been actively seeking employment since about March. I am not the person who likes to sit around--I know that work is overrated but sedentary does not work for me. Anyway the point is: should I take the job offer? I just feel like I am really settling for anything if I take the job. First of all the job is in the middle of nowhere. (I am not hating on the middle of nowhere b/c clearly I grew up in the middle of nowhere but I know my middle of nowhere.) Second of all the boss isn't fond of black people. (I know black people commit crimes but do they have to be locked up for the maximum every time.) Third of all my mom would have to help me pay my bills. (What is the point of being in the real world if I can't attempt to pay my bills?) Fourth of all, I already worked there and hated it. (I wasn't even working full time so what would full time be like?) Part of the reason why I hated it was because I didn't learn anything. The person I would work for did all his own research and I just sat there. That would be wonderful (to get paid to do absolutely nothing) but if I actually want to go somewhere in my legal career I have to have some experience when I go to my next job.
What do you think? I am seriously asking for your advice so please give it to me.
What do you think? I am seriously asking for your advice so please give it to me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)