So "he" sent me a text message and of course I ignored it (at least I think it was him--thanks for the "Don't Answer" suggestion, CS). So Saturday morning I turn on my phone b/c I went to sleep at 9:30 p.m. Friday night and knew that there was a chance that someone could have called after I turned the phone off. I am just lying in bed and the phone lets me know I have a voice mail and a text message. The text message was very random--I think it was drunk texting from a friend. Then I check the voice mail. I was in shock b/c "he" called me at 2:43 a.m.--wtf? The message wasn't that deep but I was like go far away. Don't get it twisted I like the attention but I can't go down that road anymore. There are so many reasons that that relationship is not worth it. I care about him but I can do much better. Being by myself is great. I wish there was more here to do so I wouldn't think about being alone.
Next subject: Why do I have friends that kick me to the curb when they get a man? Do I just have poor excuses for friends?
Why do I get phone calls when you want something? Can you just call to say hello?
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Just So You Know
Ok some of you knew I had an interview on Friday and I think it went ok but who really knows. I really want the job and I prayed about it. Now that I have prayed about it I am leaving it alone. I won't find out if I got a second interview until the end of October but good things come to those who wait.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Didn't Happen
Ok so the post about daddy issues didn't happen today. Whenever I plan to write it doesn't go as it should.
Lately I haven't been feeling well. I caught a cold awhile ago and since then I haven't had an appetite and haven't been sleeping well. I might go to sleep at 1:30 a.m. and wake up at 6:30 a.m. I am so drained. I think the sleep part comes from the dependency on Nyquil. Pray for me to get some sleep and eat a real meal soon.
My mother and I had a good conversation today. We discussed so many topics in such a short conversation and she didn't act like she didn't hear me. Whenever I say something she doesn't like to hear she pretends like she doesn't hear me and moves on to the next conversation.
We talked about my dad and how he mooches off his girlfriend and didn't take care of me. We talked about the problems in the black community. My theory is that a lot of the issues come from the fact that some parents just don't care. I pointed out to her that I may be one of the only people in my neighborhood that I grew up who went to college and grad school. I grew up with some smart people but you can't tell by what goes on in my neighborhood. We also talked about how she uses money to show people she cares. I love her to death but she spends money that she doesn't have to make people happy--myself included. We also talked about how I don't truly appreciate the value of a dollar. If you knew me you would know I like to spend money. Saving money is hard for me to do but I am doing much better especially since I have no money. All of this was talked about in about a 15 minute period of time. I love my mommy!
Lately I haven't been feeling well. I caught a cold awhile ago and since then I haven't had an appetite and haven't been sleeping well. I might go to sleep at 1:30 a.m. and wake up at 6:30 a.m. I am so drained. I think the sleep part comes from the dependency on Nyquil. Pray for me to get some sleep and eat a real meal soon.
My mother and I had a good conversation today. We discussed so many topics in such a short conversation and she didn't act like she didn't hear me. Whenever I say something she doesn't like to hear she pretends like she doesn't hear me and moves on to the next conversation.
We talked about my dad and how he mooches off his girlfriend and didn't take care of me. We talked about the problems in the black community. My theory is that a lot of the issues come from the fact that some parents just don't care. I pointed out to her that I may be one of the only people in my neighborhood that I grew up who went to college and grad school. I grew up with some smart people but you can't tell by what goes on in my neighborhood. We also talked about how she uses money to show people she cares. I love her to death but she spends money that she doesn't have to make people happy--myself included. We also talked about how I don't truly appreciate the value of a dollar. If you knew me you would know I like to spend money. Saving money is hard for me to do but I am doing much better especially since I have no money. All of this was talked about in about a 15 minute period of time. I love my mommy!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The Things I Hear
I never really thought about whether the world is round or not. I have been too busy trying to take care of my kids. Maybe not those exact words but she said it. This came from a grown ass woman. Sherry Shephard needs to be ashamed. Don't they teach you that in elementary school? What the hell and why?
Disclaimer: I am addicted to the stupid Maury shows (you know the lie detector and my teenager is out of control). "I sold my body for a double cheeseburger." "Cheeseburgers taste good!"
"I sold my body for a can of soda."
"I only care about me! I am not selfish!"
"Did you hear about Michael Vick and he may have to serve 40 years on state charges. That is so sad."
Ok so I know 40 years is a lot time to serve but I know Michael Vick knew that what he was doing was wrong. I know how people feel about the treatment of dogs--those people who get more upset about a hurt dog than a starving child. He set himself up for the okie doke.
Ok so tomorrow I am going to give a serious blog--gotta vent about the daddy issues again.
Disclaimer: I am addicted to the stupid Maury shows (you know the lie detector and my teenager is out of control). "I sold my body for a double cheeseburger." "Cheeseburgers taste good!"
"I sold my body for a can of soda."
"I only care about me! I am not selfish!"
"Did you hear about Michael Vick and he may have to serve 40 years on state charges. That is so sad."
Ok so I know 40 years is a lot time to serve but I know Michael Vick knew that what he was doing was wrong. I know how people feel about the treatment of dogs--those people who get more upset about a hurt dog than a starving child. He set himself up for the okie doke.
Ok so tomorrow I am going to give a serious blog--gotta vent about the daddy issues again.
No More Compromising
So this morning I woke up early as usual but I decided to use this time to think (of course I eventually went back to sleep). While thinking I decided I am not compromising myself any further. This applies to all aspects of my life.
1. I am no longer going to take whatever "he" has to offer. I hate when people ask me if I am single b/c I can't honestly answer the question b/c I don't know the answer. I am giving an ultimatum. My ultimatum is to help make sure that my needs are met. I care about him but I love me to death. I haven't been treating myself like that in the past. I guess he doesn't understand that I can get sex anywhere. I choose to be faithful b/c that is what I expect but damn all that. I will always be faithful but I don't have to be in a relationship with him to be faithful. I will let God/fate take course and be faithful to the one who wants only me.
2. I am tired of "friends" playing with my emotions. Stop asking me my business if you are not willing to share yours. Don't talk in double speak so I don't understand. (Complex Simplicity this is not directed at you--double talk is what you do best and I enjoy trying to decipher. Plus you don't come and ask me every detail of my day then shut down.) Don't ask me to help you and then when I ask for something similar you start stuttering. Better yet don't call me your friend.
1. I am no longer going to take whatever "he" has to offer. I hate when people ask me if I am single b/c I can't honestly answer the question b/c I don't know the answer. I am giving an ultimatum. My ultimatum is to help make sure that my needs are met. I care about him but I love me to death. I haven't been treating myself like that in the past. I guess he doesn't understand that I can get sex anywhere. I choose to be faithful b/c that is what I expect but damn all that. I will always be faithful but I don't have to be in a relationship with him to be faithful. I will let God/fate take course and be faithful to the one who wants only me.
2. I am tired of "friends" playing with my emotions. Stop asking me my business if you are not willing to share yours. Don't talk in double speak so I don't understand. (Complex Simplicity this is not directed at you--double talk is what you do best and I enjoy trying to decipher. Plus you don't come and ask me every detail of my day then shut down.) Don't ask me to help you and then when I ask for something similar you start stuttering. Better yet don't call me your friend.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Why?
Why am I so addicted to reading other people's blogs? I even get mad when my friends don't update. I probably want updates b/c I don't have a real job and I am tired of watching t.v. and cruising the internet.
I read a friend's blog today and I feel much closer to her. We have so much in common but we just aren't as close as we used to be. I miss her. I want to do better but I don't know what is wrong. I feel guilty about letting our relationship lapse. I think it is mostly my fault. I went through some things that I didn't want my friends to know about and she was one of those friends.
I have so many different friend groups. I wish I could consolidate these groups. I just don't feel comfortable with some friends about certain things. There are some friends that I have never even told about this blog.
I have another friend that I miss but I am too proud to pick up the phone and call. Actually it is more than pride--I personally think she is too sensitive and I have seen her kick a best friend to the curb for a reason that she doesn't even understand. I think all her friendships have an expiration date and ours happened to be March 26, 2007 (yes the day before my birthday). I am just pissed at her b/c I think of all the things we did for each other and she can kick our friendship to the curb. She was going to be in my wedding if I ever got married which is a special thing considering that I am eloping.
Why when I ask you what time rush is you tell me that only committee members can go to rush? Now if I haven't been to a chapter meeting since April and we just had a chapter meeting two weeks ago why would you assume that I was trying to go to rush? I could understand if I had been back to Athens regularly then I could understand this response. We obviously were never friends. I just wanted to know what time rush was. Chicks are so simple. I have figured I need to find some male friends so when they do stupid isht I can blame it on the fact that they are men.
Ok so this is no longer why--I got to reconnect with one of my linesisters this weekend. I enjoyed our 5 hour long conversation. When I went to law school I fell off the scene. I have only been back to Hampton twice since I graduated so it was great to talk to her since she is so busy and so was I. It was so great to talk to her since she was one of my closest friends on my line. I love her! She is truly my sister.
I read a friend's blog today and I feel much closer to her. We have so much in common but we just aren't as close as we used to be. I miss her. I want to do better but I don't know what is wrong. I feel guilty about letting our relationship lapse. I think it is mostly my fault. I went through some things that I didn't want my friends to know about and she was one of those friends.
I have so many different friend groups. I wish I could consolidate these groups. I just don't feel comfortable with some friends about certain things. There are some friends that I have never even told about this blog.
I have another friend that I miss but I am too proud to pick up the phone and call. Actually it is more than pride--I personally think she is too sensitive and I have seen her kick a best friend to the curb for a reason that she doesn't even understand. I think all her friendships have an expiration date and ours happened to be March 26, 2007 (yes the day before my birthday). I am just pissed at her b/c I think of all the things we did for each other and she can kick our friendship to the curb. She was going to be in my wedding if I ever got married which is a special thing considering that I am eloping.
Why when I ask you what time rush is you tell me that only committee members can go to rush? Now if I haven't been to a chapter meeting since April and we just had a chapter meeting two weeks ago why would you assume that I was trying to go to rush? I could understand if I had been back to Athens regularly then I could understand this response. We obviously were never friends. I just wanted to know what time rush was. Chicks are so simple. I have figured I need to find some male friends so when they do stupid isht I can blame it on the fact that they are men.
Ok so this is no longer why--I got to reconnect with one of my linesisters this weekend. I enjoyed our 5 hour long conversation. When I went to law school I fell off the scene. I have only been back to Hampton twice since I graduated so it was great to talk to her since she is so busy and so was I. It was so great to talk to her since she was one of my closest friends on my line. I love her! She is truly my sister.
My Life (at least this weekend)
Complex Simplicity--I honestly can't figure out what song belongs to me. Could my song be Cut Friends b/c you know I love that song? Oh and you misspelled my name :(
This weekend I hung out with one of my former law school buddies. It was very interesting. You thought I had road rage well she is far worse than me. I love her to death and she knows this but she can no longer drive when we go out.
She took me to see a rock band--definitely not my cup of tea but I enjoyed myself. I can honestly say that the band was good but my issue with rock bands are they fact that most of the time I can't understand what they say. That is a big issue for me b/c it seems that sometimes I just don't understand what any artist is saying. Now why would I want to listen to someone who I can barely understand? I could listen to this band but it definitely won't be a genre a music for me.
After that we went to Luckie Lounge. I had a wonderful time and thoroughly enjoyed my sushi. If you knew me in law school you know I craved sushi. I would have sushi at least once a week. Oh how I miss RuSan's.
I got put in the corner for five minutes on Saturday night. Thanks Raven!
"Nikki on the front row!" Lol
That girl was a prostitute and that is her pimp. I personally thought the girl just had no rhythm but now I know more about her than I could have had it not been for my friend.
There is no need to be uptight. Breathe, stretch, let it go!
Pole dancing does take a lot of strength but it will still be fun to get some pointers.
Why don't I do what I am supposed to do?
Why are you calling me? Does your "girlfriend" know I exist? Better yet I didn't know she existed until you let me and the general public know on Facebook. Better yet we had a conversation about relationships and you said you had a friend. Next time put girl in front of friend.
Why won't the car salesman leave me alone? I will buy a car when I can afford it.
I need a job so I can get my stuff out of storage and have winter clothes. Am I going to have to go shopping for winter clothes? I know you are probably thinking just find the boxes that have the clothes in them. That would be simple if the people who packed my storage hadn't put my clothing boxes at the back of the storage unit.
This weekend I hung out with one of my former law school buddies. It was very interesting. You thought I had road rage well she is far worse than me. I love her to death and she knows this but she can no longer drive when we go out.
She took me to see a rock band--definitely not my cup of tea but I enjoyed myself. I can honestly say that the band was good but my issue with rock bands are they fact that most of the time I can't understand what they say. That is a big issue for me b/c it seems that sometimes I just don't understand what any artist is saying. Now why would I want to listen to someone who I can barely understand? I could listen to this band but it definitely won't be a genre a music for me.
After that we went to Luckie Lounge. I had a wonderful time and thoroughly enjoyed my sushi. If you knew me in law school you know I craved sushi. I would have sushi at least once a week. Oh how I miss RuSan's.
I got put in the corner for five minutes on Saturday night. Thanks Raven!
"Nikki on the front row!" Lol
That girl was a prostitute and that is her pimp. I personally thought the girl just had no rhythm but now I know more about her than I could have had it not been for my friend.
There is no need to be uptight. Breathe, stretch, let it go!
Pole dancing does take a lot of strength but it will still be fun to get some pointers.
Why don't I do what I am supposed to do?
Why are you calling me? Does your "girlfriend" know I exist? Better yet I didn't know she existed until you let me and the general public know on Facebook. Better yet we had a conversation about relationships and you said you had a friend. Next time put girl in front of friend.
Why won't the car salesman leave me alone? I will buy a car when I can afford it.
I need a job so I can get my stuff out of storage and have winter clothes. Am I going to have to go shopping for winter clothes? I know you are probably thinking just find the boxes that have the clothes in them. That would be simple if the people who packed my storage hadn't put my clothing boxes at the back of the storage unit.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Why oh why?
Why is September 27th, Marry Your Baby Daddy Day? The concept is great but do we have to use the term Baby Daddy?
This all started in 2005 when a woman decided that she was tired of seeing people with children unmarried. She got together with wedding vendors and got them to cover all costs of a mass wedding for 10 couples.
The Jena 6 disturbs me on so many different levels. I don't think the District Attorney should have held a press conference to talk about the issue. If he felt the need to hold a press conference he should have been prepared for some of the obvious questions.
I hate to be that black person but today I am going to be. I don't think the boys should be facing the charges they are facing but maybe on a certain level they should be facing some charges. The boy got his ass handed to him by a group of people (not saying it was 6 b/c one of the 6 denies even being a part of the fight). I don't think a suspension would have done the job but aggravated battery is way too much. I understand that Michael Bell had a record but at the time he was just 16 and that is an adult crime. I think the biggest issue is the justice system and how they pick and choose who to prosecute. It should be fair and just for everyone.
This all started in 2005 when a woman decided that she was tired of seeing people with children unmarried. She got together with wedding vendors and got them to cover all costs of a mass wedding for 10 couples.
The Jena 6 disturbs me on so many different levels. I don't think the District Attorney should have held a press conference to talk about the issue. If he felt the need to hold a press conference he should have been prepared for some of the obvious questions.
I hate to be that black person but today I am going to be. I don't think the boys should be facing the charges they are facing but maybe on a certain level they should be facing some charges. The boy got his ass handed to him by a group of people (not saying it was 6 b/c one of the 6 denies even being a part of the fight). I don't think a suspension would have done the job but aggravated battery is way too much. I understand that Michael Bell had a record but at the time he was just 16 and that is an adult crime. I think the biggest issue is the justice system and how they pick and choose who to prosecute. It should be fair and just for everyone.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Hot
It has been one of those weeks. People have been pissing me off left and right. Have to vent!
Why do you email me acting like I didn't respond to your same email question months ago?
Why do you want me to call you with my address when I clearly emailed you that address in July? Not only did I send you an email with my email but you said you would handle the situation asap. It is September.
When I call you because you asked me to and leave a message with my phone number why don't you return the phone call? I have to send a mass email to get a response.
I really hope that you are not fascinated by a person you have nothing positive to say about. I lost some of my respect for you on that one.
Why do people always say "Had I been there I would have..." when technically they were there?
Is my lack of a job the only thing about me that concerns you?
I am still angry but at least I got a chance to vent :)
Complex Simplicity: I haven't found your other blog but I am sure one day I will randomly come across it since I am blog hopping as of late.
PC: Thanks for commenting even though I don't know who you are (I probably do but I can't figure out who you are.)
Thanks to T for listening to me vent via text messages (ni99a technology--shout out to Boondocks).
Why do you email me acting like I didn't respond to your same email question months ago?
Why do you want me to call you with my address when I clearly emailed you that address in July? Not only did I send you an email with my email but you said you would handle the situation asap. It is September.
When I call you because you asked me to and leave a message with my phone number why don't you return the phone call? I have to send a mass email to get a response.
I really hope that you are not fascinated by a person you have nothing positive to say about. I lost some of my respect for you on that one.
Why do people always say "Had I been there I would have..." when technically they were there?
Is my lack of a job the only thing about me that concerns you?
I am still angry but at least I got a chance to vent :)
Complex Simplicity: I haven't found your other blog but I am sure one day I will randomly come across it since I am blog hopping as of late.
PC: Thanks for commenting even though I don't know who you are (I probably do but I can't figure out who you are.)
Thanks to T for listening to me vent via text messages (ni99a technology--shout out to Boondocks).
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I Forgot
Yesterday when I was writing my second blog I forgot to tell you all about my unexpected visitor last night. So the guy who I am so not feeling on that level decided to just show up at my house last night. I was having a wonderful conversation with my buddy CRT (thanks for the advice and just listening) and I hear the doorbell. Open the door and it is him. Now I got out of an outing last week by telling him that I would be cramping and didn't want to be bothered with anyone. Definitely not true since mommy and I went out to eat. Well anyway I had to get off the phone and entertain him. I was thinking what the hell and why. I wanted to be evil and give him the call before you come talk but I am turning over a new leaf. The funny thing is he said he was so tired from working and wanted some rest (this was said when he first got here) but he drove past his house to get to mine. My house is not close to his job. When I am tired trust and believe the bed is the first place I am going if I don't have anything important to do. I don't consider visiting a boy important especially if there is nothing going on b/t us.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
I'm Back
Ok so I couldn't stay away from my blog for more than 6 hours. Blame it on the news! I feel like having a "Ricky" moment (Barbershop).
Black folks stop defending everybody b/c they are black. Michael Vick got caught up in the "fun" of what he was doing. He did it. I just say next time a rich person thinks about committing a crime maybe they should pay the broke people around them to take the rap. Disclaimer: This is not legal advice! But back to my thought: why do we as a people always defend somebody b/c they are black? I realize that we are all considered innocent until proven guilty but that doesn't mean that we are automatically innocent even after a jury has found us guilty. We may not have committed a crime but the jury has spoken. It really is all about the legal system--good and bad attorneys among other things. I have seen some outright criminals get off b/c they had wonderful attorneys and the D.A. just wasn't that great. Anywho, I digress--next point!
Why is there a politician in one of those midwestern states who has decided to take God to court? Yeah you read that right! He is suing God for bringing bad weather to hurt his constituents or something of the sort. He says there is jurisdiction b/c God is omniscient so he is there. I just want to know why he has to be black. I was so upset when I heard the story then I see this black man talking. Not saying that I really thought about who would bring the suit. I was just disturbed when they showed the individual.
Next point: I feel bad b/c I was doing the whole not talking to other men when "he" upset me b/c I felt that I only talked to other men when "he" pisses me off. I realize that some of the guys I talk to are really my friends. There may be some sexual tension b/t us but what man doesn't want me ;) Anyway, I realized that I can separate the two emotions and make sure I am not talking to a man b/c "he" pissed me off.
With that being said I realized that I haven't talked to my future ex-husband in a long time b/c of this situation and something else. I know that it is not worth it so I will continue to talk to him b/c we have fun when we talk. I can tell him anything and he will listen. There is a whole lot of sexual tension b/t us as well as hundreds of miles of road so nothing will happen. I also am not ready to cross that line b/c I feel like on a certain level I might be a jump-off. I don't do that now and not trying to start.
I guess my biggest issue with him is he is not willing to go the distance or he doesn't understand my situation. He wants me to come visit but isn't willing to put his money where his mouth is. I don't mind paying for a visit (big ass lie) but trust and believe a visit anywhere outside of about a 100 mile radius is not in my budget. Why should I put forth the effort if you are not willing to put forth the effort. I feel like the situation speaks for itself. I have no job and you have a job making major dough. I have never asked for anything from you so I really don't understand the issue. You know I am not a gold-digger (I prefer to take care of myself which is why gave up on all dreams of being a housewife--depending on someone else just isn't my thing.)
Black folks stop defending everybody b/c they are black. Michael Vick got caught up in the "fun" of what he was doing. He did it. I just say next time a rich person thinks about committing a crime maybe they should pay the broke people around them to take the rap. Disclaimer: This is not legal advice! But back to my thought: why do we as a people always defend somebody b/c they are black? I realize that we are all considered innocent until proven guilty but that doesn't mean that we are automatically innocent even after a jury has found us guilty. We may not have committed a crime but the jury has spoken. It really is all about the legal system--good and bad attorneys among other things. I have seen some outright criminals get off b/c they had wonderful attorneys and the D.A. just wasn't that great. Anywho, I digress--next point!
Why is there a politician in one of those midwestern states who has decided to take God to court? Yeah you read that right! He is suing God for bringing bad weather to hurt his constituents or something of the sort. He says there is jurisdiction b/c God is omniscient so he is there. I just want to know why he has to be black. I was so upset when I heard the story then I see this black man talking. Not saying that I really thought about who would bring the suit. I was just disturbed when they showed the individual.
Next point: I feel bad b/c I was doing the whole not talking to other men when "he" upset me b/c I felt that I only talked to other men when "he" pisses me off. I realize that some of the guys I talk to are really my friends. There may be some sexual tension b/t us but what man doesn't want me ;) Anyway, I realized that I can separate the two emotions and make sure I am not talking to a man b/c "he" pissed me off.
With that being said I realized that I haven't talked to my future ex-husband in a long time b/c of this situation and something else. I know that it is not worth it so I will continue to talk to him b/c we have fun when we talk. I can tell him anything and he will listen. There is a whole lot of sexual tension b/t us as well as hundreds of miles of road so nothing will happen. I also am not ready to cross that line b/c I feel like on a certain level I might be a jump-off. I don't do that now and not trying to start.
I guess my biggest issue with him is he is not willing to go the distance or he doesn't understand my situation. He wants me to come visit but isn't willing to put his money where his mouth is. I don't mind paying for a visit (big ass lie) but trust and believe a visit anywhere outside of about a 100 mile radius is not in my budget. Why should I put forth the effort if you are not willing to put forth the effort. I feel like the situation speaks for itself. I have no job and you have a job making major dough. I have never asked for anything from you so I really don't understand the issue. You know I am not a gold-digger (I prefer to take care of myself which is why gave up on all dreams of being a housewife--depending on someone else just isn't my thing.)
Why Blog?
I have been asking myself lately why I blog. I think I blog b/c I want a release from my issues but I know some of them are still there. Some of my issues are still there b/c my friends are some of the people I want to write about. Some of my friends I just want to grab and shake (I am sure some of my friends want to do the same to me). I don't want to write about them b/c I don't want them to be offended and I don't do general writing well (by the time I get finished they would know who I was talking about and so would everybody else). What is a girl to do? (That's a rhetorical question b/c my friends don't respond to request for comments anyway.) (It's amazing that no matter what my sarcasm always comes out:)) I need to step away from my blog and write in my journal for a minute or maybe I should just grab my friends that I want to shake and do just that.
Disappointment
So I feel the need to take a break from people in general. I want to believe that people think before they act or at least think before they tell me what their actions are but after today I am convinced that they don't. I don't want to make myself a victim but damn that--when your words say one thing and your actions show something completely different there is a need to check someone (maybe me or maybe that person).
I am guilty of what has disappointed me and I have no excuse. Even if I had an excuse the situation would still hurt. I don't see how you do what you do. I have never heard you say anything positive about this person and then you turn around and give them what I consider one of the most ultimate of gifts. I am not mad because you were unwilling to help me but I am mad that you are so willing to give some so great to someone I consider undeserving. The person may be deserving but I wouldn't know that since me and that person aren't close and all I really know about that person is what you say. And what you say isn't the least bit flattering.
Sorry to talk in code but I needed to get it off my chest and didn't really feel like talking about it in specific terms. I learned a lot about you in a matter of a few sentences. I can't say that I didn't already know but I think this is the one that takes the cake. I am not judging you but I am pointing out what you did from my perspective.
I am guilty of what has disappointed me and I have no excuse. Even if I had an excuse the situation would still hurt. I don't see how you do what you do. I have never heard you say anything positive about this person and then you turn around and give them what I consider one of the most ultimate of gifts. I am not mad because you were unwilling to help me but I am mad that you are so willing to give some so great to someone I consider undeserving. The person may be deserving but I wouldn't know that since me and that person aren't close and all I really know about that person is what you say. And what you say isn't the least bit flattering.
Sorry to talk in code but I needed to get it off my chest and didn't really feel like talking about it in specific terms. I learned a lot about you in a matter of a few sentences. I can't say that I didn't already know but I think this is the one that takes the cake. I am not judging you but I am pointing out what you did from my perspective.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Running Through My Mind
Why does Tyra irritate me? I don't understand how Danielle's accent was an issue but Natasha and Jaslene were ok. I know they are two different kinds of accents but an accent is an accent.
How do you let someone down without hurting their feelings? I don't want to go out with him and he keeps asking me.
Why am I not confrontational? I have issues with someone but I don't want to say anything to him/her. Normally I am crunk but I just don't feel like hearing the lies.
I am working on forgiving a few people. I pray about it regularly and made a greater effort today. I don't really want them back in my life but I know I need to forgive them.
How do you let someone down without hurting their feelings? I don't want to go out with him and he keeps asking me.
Why am I not confrontational? I have issues with someone but I don't want to say anything to him/her. Normally I am crunk but I just don't feel like hearing the lies.
I am working on forgiving a few people. I pray about it regularly and made a greater effort today. I don't really want them back in my life but I know I need to forgive them.
Friday, September 14, 2007
"I don't like setting the scene to get what you want, then walking away as if you'd never been there."
This statement speaks volumes to me. It is in relation to men who say all kinds of stuff to get you and then when they get you they walk away. I know I am not the only woman out there who has been through.
This statement speaks volumes to me. It is in relation to men who say all kinds of stuff to get you and then when they get you they walk away. I know I am not the only woman out there who has been through.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Random Thought for Today
It seems that whenever I have men problems there is always some guy who appears with the intent to save me. This would be wonderful if I was attracted to the guy. It never fails the guy is always feeling me way more than I am feeling him. I just want to be his friend. I don't even want to be alone with him. Is this a test from God?
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Why Do You Insist on Doing What You Do?
Why do people send me text messages out of the blue? If we have not talked in over a month don't send me a text message. When we have nothing to talk about do not ask me how the job search is going? Trust and believe if I have a job I will send out an email to let YOU know. The people who talk to me regularly do not ask me that question.
I'm sorry about my short rant but I really hate that question. It kind of compares to being a single woman and every time you see certain people they ask, "You aren't married, yet?"
Side note: RAY is going to be on CBS next Monday or maybe just in Atlanta (I don't know but I didn't think everybody was ready for the movie.)
I'm sorry about my short rant but I really hate that question. It kind of compares to being a single woman and every time you see certain people they ask, "You aren't married, yet?"
Side note: RAY is going to be on CBS next Monday or maybe just in Atlanta (I don't know but I didn't think everybody was ready for the movie.)
All About Me
I am a blogging thief!
I am not: happy about my current life situation--living at home, no full-time job, him.
I hate: not being completely faithful to the Lord
I hear: the lies that I have heard most of my life
I regret: after the cab Homecoming '04 and May 18, 2005
I cry: for a release
I care: about my friends
I always: complain but I am working on not doing that
I long to: be in a happy committed relationship
I feel alone: but not lonely
I listen: and try not to speak my first thought (I lack tack most days of the week)
I hide: from my issues
I drive: entirely too fast
I sing: off key daily
I dance: often
I write: when I need to get something off my chest
I breathe: out of my nose when it is not stopped up
I play: computer games regularly
I miss: my complete happiness
I search: for random people on the internet
I say: whatever comes to mind, usually the thing most likely to get me in trouble
I feel: the pain the "hes" have caused.
I succeed(ed): at passing the bar
I fail(ed): at protecting myself against him
I dream: vividly
I sleep: all over the bed
I wonder: if I am meant to be a wife and mother and if so when
I want: my happiness back
I worry: about the lack of a job
I have: control over me
I give: more than I should to certain people and not enough to others
I fight: with words
I am: an attorney
I can't: run away from my issues forever
I stay: up late too much
I will: be the best at all that I do
I can: watch tv all day
I would: do anything for the people I love
I might: disappear for a minute but I love you people
I like: clothes, shoes and food
I love: me but maybe not enough
I smile: very rarely
I frown: more than I should
I read: a new book at least every two weeks
I work: when I feel like it.
I am not: happy about my current life situation--living at home, no full-time job, him.
I hate: not being completely faithful to the Lord
I hear: the lies that I have heard most of my life
I regret: after the cab Homecoming '04 and May 18, 2005
I cry: for a release
I care: about my friends
I always: complain but I am working on not doing that
I long to: be in a happy committed relationship
I feel alone: but not lonely
I listen: and try not to speak my first thought (I lack tack most days of the week)
I hide: from my issues
I drive: entirely too fast
I sing: off key daily
I dance: often
I write: when I need to get something off my chest
I breathe: out of my nose when it is not stopped up
I play: computer games regularly
I miss: my complete happiness
I search: for random people on the internet
I say: whatever comes to mind, usually the thing most likely to get me in trouble
I feel: the pain the "hes" have caused.
I succeed(ed): at passing the bar
I fail(ed): at protecting myself against him
I dream: vividly
I sleep: all over the bed
I wonder: if I am meant to be a wife and mother and if so when
I want: my happiness back
I worry: about the lack of a job
I have: control over me
I give: more than I should to certain people and not enough to others
I fight: with words
I am: an attorney
I can't: run away from my issues forever
I stay: up late too much
I will: be the best at all that I do
I can: watch tv all day
I would: do anything for the people I love
I might: disappear for a minute but I love you people
I like: clothes, shoes and food
I love: me but maybe not enough
I smile: very rarely
I frown: more than I should
I read: a new book at least every two weeks
I work: when I feel like it.
Remembering Today
September 11--that date will forever be etched into the minds of most individuals born before 2001. A day that we know was so unnecessary but showed us that we can come together as a nation and show each other love. God blessed the families that felt the pain more than others.
I just remember talking to people about that day and what they were doing. I remember that I missed most of the commotion. I had an 8:00 class that morning and we got out early. For me that meant going back to sleep. I was "homeless" b/c my apartment wouldn't be ready until the end of that week so I was staying with one of my friends. Well I fell asleep and a loud banging on the door woke me up. I go to the door and looked out of the peephole and saw a man I didn't know. He said he was the cable guy and then I remembered my friends had an appointment to get digital cable. I let him in and he looks at me and my friend like we are crazy saying why are't you watching the news. We look at him and say why should we be watching the news. He then says remember when there were two towers in NYC well now there is only one. We just know he is lying. We turn on the TV and see there is really only one tower. He goes downstairs to his truck and while he is down there the other tower falls. He comes back upstairs and we say remember that one tower that was still standing well now there is none. We just didn't understand what was going on--still in complete shock. I think by this point the Pentagon had been hit. All I could think about was the fact that I had just driven by the Pentagon maybe 2 days before. I thought what if they had decided to hit the Pentagon at the moment instead. I just couldn't grasp what was going on.
We as a nation sat in front of the TV for days watching it all unfold. We saw Dan Rather roll up his sleeves and tell us all he could. All we could do was pray for the people who lost their lives for something so unnecessary. We know there were firefighters and police officers who died that day doing a job they loved. We know the people who were on that plane that crashed in PA were doing what they knew was best to save the lives of others. They took on the terrorists and won that battle. They died for our safety. We don't really know where the plane was going but we know that whereever it was going the people at that location were able to live just that much longer.
May God bless the lives of all involved in such a tragic time.
I just remember talking to people about that day and what they were doing. I remember that I missed most of the commotion. I had an 8:00 class that morning and we got out early. For me that meant going back to sleep. I was "homeless" b/c my apartment wouldn't be ready until the end of that week so I was staying with one of my friends. Well I fell asleep and a loud banging on the door woke me up. I go to the door and looked out of the peephole and saw a man I didn't know. He said he was the cable guy and then I remembered my friends had an appointment to get digital cable. I let him in and he looks at me and my friend like we are crazy saying why are't you watching the news. We look at him and say why should we be watching the news. He then says remember when there were two towers in NYC well now there is only one. We just know he is lying. We turn on the TV and see there is really only one tower. He goes downstairs to his truck and while he is down there the other tower falls. He comes back upstairs and we say remember that one tower that was still standing well now there is none. We just didn't understand what was going on--still in complete shock. I think by this point the Pentagon had been hit. All I could think about was the fact that I had just driven by the Pentagon maybe 2 days before. I thought what if they had decided to hit the Pentagon at the moment instead. I just couldn't grasp what was going on.
We as a nation sat in front of the TV for days watching it all unfold. We saw Dan Rather roll up his sleeves and tell us all he could. All we could do was pray for the people who lost their lives for something so unnecessary. We know there were firefighters and police officers who died that day doing a job they loved. We know the people who were on that plane that crashed in PA were doing what they knew was best to save the lives of others. They took on the terrorists and won that battle. They died for our safety. We don't really know where the plane was going but we know that whereever it was going the people at that location were able to live just that much longer.
May God bless the lives of all involved in such a tragic time.
Confusion
I have so much bottled up inside and I don't even know how to get it out. There is so much going on and I can't write about it b/c some of it I cannot put into words. Right now my biggest issue is I am sick--somehow I caught a cold. I don't want to get out of the bed and tonight I have to drive to Atlanta b/c I have a wonderful all day CLE :( When I can clear my head I will write more about all of my confusion.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Stole It From Some Random's Blog
1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007?
A time or two--LOL
2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?
Not my style right now but maybe back in the day (law school--anything was possible)
3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX?
Not out loud but definitely laughed
4. EVER CRY DURING SEX?
Yes but no because it was earth shattering
5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
I love to unless it was the funky, sweaty, nasty sex--you know the I haven't seen you in ages and this needs to go down as soon as I walk in the door!
6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
A time or two
7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
Yeah but he will never know
8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?
I liked to be talked to
9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
Unfortunately once--still in shock from that one (and yes it was only once)
10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Not my style, plus with the friends I have I would get cut in little pieces and spread over the country (crazy about their men).
11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?
Unfortunately yes--some of the worst sex I have ever had.
12. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
No
***WHY IS THERE NO NUMBER 13???***
14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
Yeah but then I realized the person I was having sex with was much better than the person I was thinking about.
15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKEN?
Once
16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
May 18, 2005--one of those terrible one night stands--not really embarrassing for me but if he only knew how I really felt he would be embarrassed. (He knew it was bad just doesn't know how bad it really was.)
17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
22
18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
No one--got my itch scratched
19. DO YOU THINK THAT #18 IS POSSIBLE?
Very much so--doing that right now
20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
Not at all
21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS?
Unfortunately 4--4 too many
22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR?
Haven't tried it b/c I need lots of space.
23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO?
I don't talk to him but he likes to randomly call me and send me text messages--wants to rekindle the situation even though he has a girlfriend.
24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Hell to the naw
25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER?
Not on purpose--I don't want to be an enabler.
26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD?
Plead the fifth
27. LINGERIE?
I look nice in it so why not bring it to the bedroom.
28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER?
No
29. WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX?
( ) park
( ) church
( ) cemetery
( ) beach
( ) boat
( ) school
( ) parent's bed
(x) your bed
( ) car
( ) picnic table
( ) kitchen counter
(x) couch/chair
( ) dining room/kitchen table
( ) woods (open and/or in a tent)
( ) hood of a car
( ) bathroom
( ) shower
( ) bathtub
(x) the other person's bed
( ) porch/deck/balcony
( ) in a house with parents home
( ) at a party
( ) on top of the washer/dryer
( ) with other people in the room
( ) hotel
( ) concert
( ) grandparent's house
( ) field
( ) bleachers
( ) bookstore stock room
( ) linen closet
30. How many virgins have you "deflowered?"
None that I know of--remember whores are attracted to me!
A time or two--LOL
2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?
Not my style right now but maybe back in the day (law school--anything was possible)
3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX?
Not out loud but definitely laughed
4. EVER CRY DURING SEX?
Yes but no because it was earth shattering
5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
I love to unless it was the funky, sweaty, nasty sex--you know the I haven't seen you in ages and this needs to go down as soon as I walk in the door!
6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
A time or two
7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
Yeah but he will never know
8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?
I liked to be talked to
9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
Unfortunately once--still in shock from that one (and yes it was only once)
10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Not my style, plus with the friends I have I would get cut in little pieces and spread over the country (crazy about their men).
11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?
Unfortunately yes--some of the worst sex I have ever had.
12. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
No
***WHY IS THERE NO NUMBER 13???***
14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
Yeah but then I realized the person I was having sex with was much better than the person I was thinking about.
15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKEN?
Once
16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
May 18, 2005--one of those terrible one night stands--not really embarrassing for me but if he only knew how I really felt he would be embarrassed. (He knew it was bad just doesn't know how bad it really was.)
17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
22
18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
No one--got my itch scratched
19. DO YOU THINK THAT #18 IS POSSIBLE?
Very much so--doing that right now
20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
Not at all
21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS?
Unfortunately 4--4 too many
22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR?
Haven't tried it b/c I need lots of space.
23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO?
I don't talk to him but he likes to randomly call me and send me text messages--wants to rekindle the situation even though he has a girlfriend.
24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Hell to the naw
25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER?
Not on purpose--I don't want to be an enabler.
26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD?
Plead the fifth
27. LINGERIE?
I look nice in it so why not bring it to the bedroom.
28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER?
No
29. WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX?
( ) park
( ) church
( ) cemetery
( ) beach
( ) boat
( ) school
( ) parent's bed
(x) your bed
( ) car
( ) picnic table
( ) kitchen counter
(x) couch/chair
( ) dining room/kitchen table
( ) woods (open and/or in a tent)
( ) hood of a car
( ) bathroom
( ) shower
( ) bathtub
(x) the other person's bed
( ) porch/deck/balcony
( ) in a house with parents home
( ) at a party
( ) on top of the washer/dryer
( ) with other people in the room
( ) hotel
( ) concert
( ) grandparent's house
( ) field
( ) bleachers
( ) bookstore stock room
( ) linen closet
30. How many virgins have you "deflowered?"
None that I know of--remember whores are attracted to me!
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Answer
Complex Simplicity this is just for you since you were the only taker (at least for now). Even though this question is not about me I will still answer it. His name is Trey. He is a 30 something black man trying to be grown and sexy (LOL). We met one fateful night in 2004 (I say fateful b/c I wasn't supposed to be in that location but a change in someone's travel plans (your former friend) made sure that I had absolutely nothing to do but go to the club). He was nice and we kept coming back to each other through out the night. We exchanged numbers and three days later he called. We talked and talked and finally hung out. He was smart but not my type of smart--not really a street element but definitely not a Hampton man. We have been through so much--you will have to make a phone call for that one. I can't put all of our drama out on the streets. There is something between us that I can't explain--no matter what happens we end up back together. We both have our moments where we can't stand each other but like I said there is something b/t us plus I am stuck in Fort Valley and most of the men around here I went to high school with and you read the other post.
Oh The Things I See
The joys of being an attorney are great. I get to see the most hilarious things. Today I went to court with the attorney that I am working with and saw so much.
First of all I saw so many people I went to high school with. Oh my gosh, it was so deep. There was this guy I went to high school with that was so fine and everybody used to go crazy about him. He was the hotness back in the 90s but in the 00s he is not. Receding hairline--I swear his hairline starts in the middle of his head. Just not sexy in an orange jumpsuit. I feel so much better about my degree than I ever did after this morning. I would rather be semi-unemployed than chilling in the courtroom after catching a case.
Second of all I saw this big gay man with his girlfriend. I just need someone to explain to me the attraction to a gay man. He was not metrosexual--he was gay! He had on his Coogi outfit. The shirt was lime green with Coogi written across the top. The jeans had Coogi written on one leg. Then he had lime green shoes. Just a little too matchy for me. He had a long silky ponytail. Then his girlfriend had on a black bustier and jeans. It was just too much for me.
First of all I saw so many people I went to high school with. Oh my gosh, it was so deep. There was this guy I went to high school with that was so fine and everybody used to go crazy about him. He was the hotness back in the 90s but in the 00s he is not. Receding hairline--I swear his hairline starts in the middle of his head. Just not sexy in an orange jumpsuit. I feel so much better about my degree than I ever did after this morning. I would rather be semi-unemployed than chilling in the courtroom after catching a case.
Second of all I saw this big gay man with his girlfriend. I just need someone to explain to me the attraction to a gay man. He was not metrosexual--he was gay! He had on his Coogi outfit. The shirt was lime green with Coogi written across the top. The jeans had Coogi written on one leg. Then he had lime green shoes. Just a little too matchy for me. He had a long silky ponytail. Then his girlfriend had on a black bustier and jeans. It was just too much for me.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Who is Coco?
I stole this idea from another blogger--I know most of the people who read my blog are my friends but there may be something that you don't know about me. Here is your chance.
"I have been inspired to answer random questions from the audience. So be gentle with me....but ask away. I will answer all questions"
"I have been inspired to answer random questions from the audience. So be gentle with me....but ask away. I will answer all questions"
Things That Have Been Bothering Me For Awhile
R. Kelly and Usher--"Same Girl"
First of all if two guys found out they were being played by the same girl would they really be toasting and playing basketball together?
Second of all if she was playing the two of you do you really think she would be embarrassed if you both met her at the same place at the same time?
Third of all how are they twins if they have the same name, same tattoo and whatever else was the same?
BET's Read a Book--the message of the PSA is great but the cartoon is just unnecessary. Especially when we know that children watch BET probably when they shouldn't be. The PSA is meant to reach 18-34 year olds but BET knows that children are watching TV when the PSA is shown. What makes it that much worse is that now mainstream America knows about the crap because CNN did a story. I think there is a better way to tell a person they need to read a book.
Why do you give a child a name that you cannot spell? The letters of the alphabet were not meant to be placed in just any old order.
Why do you continue to make promises that you know you cannot keep? There was no need to promise me a down payment on a new car when you can't even get a full time job. It looks like my mom is going to take up your slack once more.
First of all if two guys found out they were being played by the same girl would they really be toasting and playing basketball together?
Second of all if she was playing the two of you do you really think she would be embarrassed if you both met her at the same place at the same time?
Third of all how are they twins if they have the same name, same tattoo and whatever else was the same?
BET's Read a Book--the message of the PSA is great but the cartoon is just unnecessary. Especially when we know that children watch BET probably when they shouldn't be. The PSA is meant to reach 18-34 year olds but BET knows that children are watching TV when the PSA is shown. What makes it that much worse is that now mainstream America knows about the crap because CNN did a story. I think there is a better way to tell a person they need to read a book.
Why do you give a child a name that you cannot spell? The letters of the alphabet were not meant to be placed in just any old order.
Why do you continue to make promises that you know you cannot keep? There was no need to promise me a down payment on a new car when you can't even get a full time job. It looks like my mom is going to take up your slack once more.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Rambling
So I think that people who get pregnant should be forced to use "Hooked on Phonics" to ensure their children don't end up jacked for life.
"He" has a hold on me. Some days I like him, other days I just want to scream--I don't understand him.
I have an interview! I am excited and am hoping that this is my break.
I am so excited for my friend--she is going to buy a house! Home ownership is something to be excited about.
I went out with my mom and her sistafriends last night! It was a great experience and no matter what I hope that I have the same bond with my friends 30 years from now.
"He" has a hold on me. Some days I like him, other days I just want to scream--I don't understand him.
I have an interview! I am excited and am hoping that this is my break.
I am so excited for my friend--she is going to buy a house! Home ownership is something to be excited about.
I went out with my mom and her sistafriends last night! It was a great experience and no matter what I hope that I have the same bond with my friends 30 years from now.
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