Yeah!

Yeah so I had this profound post that I wanted to write the other day but of course I was out and had nothing to write on. Now I can't even remember the topic--I just know it was going to be related to a song or a saying. Boo!

So this weekend was FVSU's Homecoming and FVSU is a very community oriented school which means that everybody in Fort Valley celebrates homecoming. With that being said you see people who have never seen the inside of a high school classroom much less a college classroom. This means you get to see any and everything at Homecoming. I saw an old crackhead/drunk (still don't know which one he was) beat up a little boy. I shouldn't say beat up but I don't know exactly what else to call it. Some kind strangers finally helped the boy. The police eventually showed up--nobody actually called them over and they were too far away to see exactly what happened.

I walked "the strip" which is equivalent to Hampton's Bazaar (FV likes to shut down the street right before the school and let vendors set up there, hence a strip of the street but unfortunately there are only two ways to get to the campus and that is one of them.). I eventually had to leave because I was surrounded by little children. This would have been ok but it was Saturday night and they should have been home where their parents were.

CS to answer your question about my first closing it was kind of scary b/c I had never done one. The people who hired me to do the closing did not give me any instructions except for how to return the papers to them. I adapted though. I made one mistake and had to return to the person's house to have them sign something else. It made the closing longer than it needed to be but I did it.

Ok so I have no money! I don't know how I am surviving and I am not exaggerating--dead broke. Working it out right now though (the closings won't pay me until the beginning of November). I got a little hustle left in me but I am accepting donations.

I found the perfect dress for the Blackout! I am crunk.

Still Not Ready

So I am still not ready to talk about anything personal. Lots of thoughts running through my head but I feel the need to run from those thoughts.

My third grandmother died yesterday. Obviously she is not my real grandmother but she was my first best friend's grandmother and I used to stay at her house all the time when I was younger. I haven't seen her in ages but I knew she had been having a hard time lately. She had a stroke maybe a year ago and never really recovered. I feel bad b/c I haven't seen her in about two years.

Excited about meeting my back's boyfriend on Sunday--no complaints about him so he must be a winner.

Why did your boy feel the need to ask me if I was going to the GA National Fair or the Homecoming Stepshow? When I said I couldn't afford those things (meaning I didn't want to really go anyway b/c a sista will find a way) he said oh I got you if you want to go. Does your girlfriend know you got me?

Bethlehem--is that really your child's name?

CS--Thanks for sharing such personal moments. I don't know what to say exactly which is why I haven't commented in a minute. I hope you are feeling better.

You home school your child--the same child who is allegedly planning another Colombine. What the hell are you doing that you appear to not notice that he is stockpiling weapons?

I miss him but I know it is for the best.

I did my first closing on Tuesday. I was so nervous!

I am thinking about getting my hair cut.

I need a pedicure desperately!

Have you checked your breasts this month? If not, handle that situation right now! Step away from the computer and do your business!

Have you had your yearly exam? If not make an appointment and handle that!

So I am ready for "Why Did I Get Married?"

I saw this guy today that tried to holla maybe in April (I was still living in Athens but I came home for some reason and met him). He was like don't I know you. Of course I had to say no b/c clearly it wasn't going down like that. I am good at the ignore--completely shut him down with the ignore. He will not be someone worthy of me even thinking about breaking the six month hiatus.

Thoughts

So these past two days I have been doing a lot of thinking.
Yesterday I decided it was time to get back to my wonderful relationship with the Lord. In this quest to get that relationship back I made a "promise" to not date any men for six months. This is a hard one for me b/c "he" always finds his way back to me. I always go back and forget the past. I get hurt and then I remember the past.
Speaking of "him" he sent me a text message today. Conversation goes like this:
Him: U dnt talk 2 me nemore
Me: I cant handle u right now
Him: What does tht mean
Me: I need u to be full time and u r not. I cant make u something u r not
This exchange nearly brought me to tears. I am just tired of being caught up with him. I want it to be over but I don't want to talk to him. When I talk to him I get caught up and then my feelings continue to get hurt.
Ok so I had more to say but I am tired of thinking my thoughts. Let's just say to be continued...

TMI Tuesday

1. Wash up, cuddle or fall asleep?
If it is that good fall asleep but normally shower then cuddle.
2. Have you ever fake orgasms?
With my first yes--didn't know the sex was that bad until my second.
3. In any 24 hour period, what is the most number of time you have ever had sex?
2
4. Have you ever had sex or give/received oral sex while you were driving a car?
No
5. What do you think the average number of sexual partners your sex has in their lifetime? Do you think most people lie when asked?
I don't know but my guess is 10-15. I think most people lie usually to make themselves look good.
Bonus (as in optional):Can men and women be "just friends?" (Explain)
I would like to think they could but if a person sees something they want they may go after it under the pretense of friendship (you know you been there).

Is It Just Me?

So I sit at home and watch t.v. every night and get disturbed and feel the need to comment on it:

Is anyone noticing how VH1 is taking this "celebreality" thing a bit too far? The Salt and Pepa Show. hmmmmmm

I am very disappointed with ANTM this season. I spend most of the show playing some game on the net or computer. What was this past week's bottom 2? Btw I am beginning to not like Saliesha or Bianca but especially Bianca. The editing of this show is off the chain--they set us up for that one.

I was disappointed in the premiere of Girlfriends. Can we get Toni back? That was just boring.

I was disappointed in the premiere of The Game but I can't wait for the rest of the season. That little teaser was too much.

Ok so I spend my 12:30-1:30 p.m. watching the Young and the Restless--I am tired of Gloria trying to take somebody down when she killed somebody. Jack is dirty but so is she. I am tired of Brad trying to jack up Sharon's marriage. Does he not realize that he is also hurting Noah (even though I don't like the spoiled child). Didn't Noah just get in a fight about Jack--why do you want to create more news when news is what started the fight?

I am mad that NBC did not hold onto Law & Order: CI but at least I still get to see original episodes. I hope the season isn't like the other USA shows. You know that whole show half a season then take a break and then show the other half of the season. That really irks me.

TMI Tuesdays on Thursday

1. Early bird or night owl?
I am usually an early bird but since I am jobless I have become a night owl.
2. If you could only be one, would you rather be smart or good looking?
That is a hard one especially since now I am both--I would probably say smart only b/c I could at least (prayerfully) get a well-paying job and keep myself company with a book and I have seen ugly women with men so it is possible.
3. Do you gossip?
Of course I do but I am slowing down b/c sometimes I think I am the only one sharing information.
4. On a scale of 1-10, how adventurous are you? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest)
4
5. On a scale of 1-10, how good a kisser do you think you are? ( ditto )
Since the ex-ho liked to kiss me I will go with at least an 8.

Bonus (as in optional):What do you consider the biggest turn on out of the following? a) lingerie b) movies c) toys d) role playing e) leather f) none of this does anything for me
Lingerie--I think a man staring at me with lingerie on is the best feeling in the world before the foreplay.

Heaven

Ok so the other day I went to "The Cheesecake Bistro" and I found heaven. I found heaven in a cheesecake. The fudge brownie cheesecake was to die for. I don't even eat chocolate like that but that was the best dessert I have ever had in life.

I am in a happy place right now. I thought leaving "him" alone would be hard but really it isn't. I am enjoying the single life. I realize that there are things that I am still learning about myself that I definitely need to know before being in a relationship. I also see the mistakes my friends are making that they won't admit to themselves.

Speaking of their mistakes--how can you jump into a relationship five seconds after you jumped out of another. Even if the problems of the previous relationship were caused by the other party you are affected by the things this person does. I would be foolish to think about being with someone else in the very near future. I know there is no timeline but I know that it has only been 4 weeks since I talked to "him". I know I need not be messing with anyone.

What's Happening

Yesterday was great! I went to Atlanta to see my linesisters. Ok so I am notorious for always being hella early and yesterday was no exception. I left home around 2:00 b/c I wanted to stop by BB&B to get a job application (will I really get a job in retail with a J.D. behind my name?). I also left early b/c the last time I went to Atlanta I was stuck in traffic for almost an hour. Of course it didn't happen that way this time. Since I was very early I stopped at the outlets. I went to Coach, Nine West, Gap, Charlotte Russe and Old Navy. It is a terrible feeling to window shop and you have no money.
I finally leave the outlets and make my way to downtown Atlanta. So I clearly was an hour early but that is how I do. I picked up my linesister/former roommate and her boyfriend. I really like the new/old boyfriend (it was my first time meeting him but they have been together for two years--damn law school-can't afford a plane ticket to save my life and we know I don't drive too far). It was just like old times. We drove around Atlanta--me getting lost. I know my way around downtown but I always get lost. I finally made it to Atlantic Station. We parked and walked around. My ls hasn't changed at all and I love her so much. We went shopping and she bought me some pants (you know I already planned my ensemble for FVSU's Homecoming).
We went to The Cheesecake Bistro. The food was wonderful. My other linesisters showed up late but we still had a ball. It was wonderful sitting there with everybody just talking. I really enjoyed hearing their perspectives on relationships. I just sat there b/c I have no comment on relationships, at least good ones.

So I had to stop in the middle of my post to go to the store. I am hot!!!! Fire-breathing dragon hot. Set the scene: My grandmother retired in 1995 and has been on social security ever since i.e. living on a fixed income. My uncle is a grown ass man. Why is he calling her to wire him some money? Why did she say yes? Who had to go to the store and make this long ass transaction? My grandma offered me some gas money and I couldn't say yes to that. I know she struggles. Hell half of her check goes to my uncle's bills. I don't understand what is his damn problem. I think my ls's boyfriend said it best--the problem with these men running around here today is that they were spoiled. Pray for my family!

Today

Today is the 3 year anniversary of me meeting "him". I haven't talked to him since early last month. I am happy with my alone time. It feels great. Now I just have to get rid of Mr. I Got a Girlfriend that I will tell Facebook about but not you. He wants me to call him--why? I don't disrespect relationships.

So today my friend tells me she got tickets to the Jill Scott concert which is great. Then she says my boyfriend is coming. I said I didn't want to go b/c I don't want to be a third wheel at a Jill Scott concert. She got mad b/c I didn't want to go. Am I wrong? Who wants to be a thid wheel at a Jill Scott concert. When "he" and I had sex for the first time Jill Scott was in the background.

Was anyone else disappointed in the "Girlfriends" season premiere?

I get to see my ls/roommate from college tomorrow. So exciting!

Confessions

So I have been doing some thinking and I figure if the whole blogging thing is going to work I have to make some confessions. It is not really a confession b/c some people know and some don't.

My first year of law school was terrible. I wasn't ready for law school. I needed to take a break from anything school related. Looking back on that time I realized that I had been in school for forever. My mother pushed and I didn't try to stop her. When I was a senior in high school my mother made me go to college. I didn't really want to do it but she said I had to so I did it. I was always in school and it was frustrating. I wasn't getting enough rest and eventually it took its toll. I got physically sick and never wanted to feel that way again. Anyway the point of this paragraph is to let the world know that I messed up really bad my first year and had to repeat first year of law school. Anyone who has been to law school knows that this is a nightmare. I almost didn't do it b/c I knew that there were other career fields that would make me just as happy. The only thing that got me through this tough time was a therapist. My university had a counseling program and it was great. I did individual therapy and group therapy. My individual therapist helped me rebuild my confidence. He talked to me and most of all he listened. I was able to tell him any and everything. He listened to me talk about my daddy issues and my men issues. He eventually moved on to another school and to this day I miss him. He was that person who didn't pass judgment and made me feel good. He didn't condone all my actions but he didn't make me feel like I was going to hell for doing something I had no business doing.

I am ready to find a job so I can go find a new therapist. When I had an individual therapist I was so much happier. I am not saying that I am unhappy now but I remember knowing that I could walk into someone's office and just let it all out. There is only so much I can tell my friends. Sometimes I don't even understand what I am feeling and a therapist is a trained professional and knows how to get it out.