Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Catching Up

I sincerely apologize--life is hard working a job where you travel daily. I still love my job though.

Last week was bad! I hurt myself two weeks ago exercising. I strained the muscle in my back. I didn't know what was wrong so I walked around with a hurt back for a week. I thought it would go away but it didn't. I finally decided to go to the me.dstop and get checked. I was so afraid the doctor was going to tell me my kidney was failing or something but she said it was a muscle strain. It was great to have a diagnosis but the pain was awful. It actually still hurts somewhat but it feels much better than before. Well since I was in pain last week I didn't do a lot of work (going to hate my paycheck with that week on it). Oh well.

Anyhoo my weekend started off great and then became an epic fail. Friday night I went out to dinner to celebrate a friend's birthday. The company was nice and the service was horrible. After the dinner we drove back to my friend's house it would seemed like a monsoon. It was awful but I knew that meant I would sleep well (at least I thought I would). I got in the bed and was harassed via BBm by a frog. He told me that I was playing games with him and blah blah blah. My dingy behind argued with him for about an hour and a half. Eventually I just told him that he was interrupting my drug induced sleep (good drugs for a muscle strain). Early the next morning I saw part time boo and then went back to sleep. The only reason why I saw him so early was because he was leaving to go to his hometown and I wouldn't get a chance to see him until the middle of September.

After I woke up I went to the spa to get a massage--the best thing ever! I am still thinking about that massage. After the massage I went back to sleep and then ran errands. I went to see my dad to pick up a part for the car. I got back to my resting place around 10 and went to bed. I slept until 9 the next morning. I woke up and went to church. Got a great word--Live for the future was the basic premise. Today may not be great but you know God has so much in store for you. Know that your future is bright and speak of it.

After church we went to IH.OP and then I slept. I got up and got ready to go. I should have left then b/c it got bad. I ended up going to a bbq but didn't eat b/c I saw the food prep going down--ewwwwww! We ended up going to a restaurant and the waitress got my order wrong. I got a little extra but it so wasn't worth the long wait. I got back from the restaurant and get ready to leave. I go aside and my front tire is flat. So I was ready to change the tire myself and then I couldn't find the jack. Let's figure out if the insurance has roadside assistance--it doesn't. My friend is going to call hers but I have decided that it is too late and dark for me to leave. Male "friend" comes over and is wishy washy about changing the tire. I still can't find the jack. They dip. 30 seconds after they dip I find the jack. They won't turn around b/c they are on their way to another bbq. No longer male friends. Complete stranger from original bbq comes over to change flat tire. Very nice and gentlemanly--his mother raised him right! I get in the bed and go to sleep around 11:30. Must drive back home in the morning! I make it home safely but the spare is going flat :-(

Yeah that was my weekend. After that my life has been pretty boring. I wish I had more for you but I don't.

Coco, Esq.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


I know it has been so long since I blogged but I have been busy and when I am not busy I am sleepy/tired. I just wanted to update you guys on my life.

It is official that I spread myself to thin. Last week I was all over the place. I picked up two new activities--cheerleading coach/helper and creative writing with a neighborhood after school program.

Last week my back was aching really bad (actually it is still bad) and I didn't know what was going on. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and she diagnosed me as having a strained muscle. I was so thankful b/c I really thought it may have been kidney issues. I couldn't deal with that especially since I don't have insura.nce. The meds have made me extremely sleepy. I actually took a nap earlier today and could go to sleep right now.

My love life is pretty nonexistent. Part time is still around and he has been quite a sweetie lately. The crush isn't really trying to deal with me b/c my friend told him not to mess with me unless he was serious. I am happy that my friend was looking out for my best interests. Others probably would have just let it go.

The job is going well. Just a lot of leg work.

I keep forgetting to pay my bills. Every since I started my job I completely forget. I started writing it down but I still forget.

Ok that is all I have but when I come back I want to talk about the creative writing that I am helping with.

Coco, Esq.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Anger Management

I got the best laugh from this--I hope you do too!

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it..

A man answered, saying

I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn 's correct number to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an asshole!'
and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,
and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled
and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
and hung up.

One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.

Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial),
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said,
'Yes, it is.'

I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ..
It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked,
'What's your name?'

He said,
'My name is Don Hansen,'

I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said,

I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called asshole #1.

He said,

I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked,
'Are you still there?'

I said,

He screamed,
'Stop calling me,'

I said,
'Make me,'

He asked,
'Who are you?'

I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said,

I said,
'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said,
'You'll what?'

He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass,'

I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax ,
and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax ..

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax ..

I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew..

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work..

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I've Missed You Guys

It has been so long and so much has happened but I don't remember it b/c I am always so tired. Working is for the birds. I am happily paying my bills every month so that gets me through. I am going to do better. I am going to make it my business to post at least 2 times a week and this counts as 1 this week.

I will try to remember to write stuff down so I can tell you all about it.

Coco, Esq.