Thursday, October 30, 2008

Tell 'Em How You Feel Thursday

It has been a long couple of weeks so if I can remember it all I will tell you exactly how I feel about it.

I am very concerned about my mental health/competence. I have two aunts and an uncle who just aren't there. I can't explain it all but it just concerns me. One of my aunts has completely stopped talking.

My family is dramatic so why shouldn't I be. I hate being a lawyer especially when people keep using my legal expertise for their benefit. I am jobless so unless you are paying I am no longer answering questions.

I am starting a new blog with a friend about what you should know about before deciding on whether to attend law school. You get different perspectives b/c we are opposites. We just want people to know things they never knew before taking such a big step.

My dad is slowly driving me crazy. Since my granny died my mother told him that since he and I have bonded over her death he has no need to call her. That means he calls me multiple times a day. Yesterday he called me on some bullshyt. I almost lost it. He hasn't called me today but it is only the afternoon.

I volunteered for the Ob.ama campaign but I really don't want to work. I am just tired of not having a set schedule. Ok I am going to stop now before I make myself cry.

I live in the boonies--proof of this is the truck I drove past. Some woman had painted on the back of her car that she was a "Proud Gun Toting Christian Mom Supporting Mc.Cain". That keeps me on my volunteering duties.
You know I applied for a position over two months ago and got interviewed and I have heard nothing. I didn't even want the job. Why can't you just say I didn't get it.

I am really sad and I don't know exactly why. I just feel like something isn't right in my life. I don't sleep well and I am just not myself. I feel myself spiraling but I don't what to do.

Why is my granny insistent upon me going to a dermatologist? She told me yesterday that I made enough money to go. When I told her that I have bills she told me that they are cheap b/c my mom told her so. I then told her that my mom pays a copay, not the whole bill. She then told me that I could get something at the drug store. Can I just say that that woman is bad for your self esteem? I have spots on my face but not bad enough that I should get grilled. I left the room and she walked down the hall and continued the conversation with me.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Thank You

Thank you for all the messages, prayers, thoughts and anything else you did during my family's time of bereavement. I truly appreciate you all. I especially loved the flowers from my wonderful fellow Hamptonians. Thank you for the cards especially the one from family of friends!

Here is a picture of the flowers:

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


Death brings family drama! Please if you have siblings make sure your parents have their stuff in order. If there are joint accounts make sure they are "and" accounts instead of "or" accounts. Bring up the subject with your parents and siblings so you have a skeleton of a plan when the event happens.

Monday, October 20, 2008

October 20, 2008

Today I woke up this morning with not a care in the world and a few hours later that all changed. My dad called me to let me know that his mother died. My grandmother's battle with Alzheimer's is over. I am not upset b/c she hasn't been herself in ages. I am in shock though. We knew it was coming but that doesn't mean it still doesn't catch you off guard. I couldn't go see her. I wanted to remember her as the person she was. That was selfish on my part but I don't regret it. She is now where she belongs. Hopefully my grandfather was there waiting for her arrival.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Tell 'Em How You Feel Thursday

I really think I have an anxiety disorder. I just get extra nervous when I have to talk to people I don't know.

My little cousin was in a pageant last night for Homecoming Court (something new they came up with) and she won. I am proud of her and I hope she goes far. Some of the commentary was crazy. I heard it all second hand b/c I was handling some business. Her mother was mad that she put her brother's name in her bio--her brother is her father's oldest child (can you say hot mess on the part of her mother). The contestants were asked if they could go anywhere on earth where would they go and one of the contestants responded I would go to Rome b/c that is where romantic people go. All the black girls in the pageant decided to sing and I heard they were a hot mess. Also in her bio she didn't put any goals or aspirations--what is going on with the future?

Thanks for the cds and my purse thanks you too.

Are you serious? I told you so! Yeah I said it.

I am scared to try because I am afraid to fail at least at some stuff.

I feel like I am not a good friend b/c I honestly don't know how to comfort people. When my friends are upset I feel helpless.

Did you really say you won't come visit your family and friends b/c your future husband can't travel with you. You won't visit for a year b/c of him. I have issues with that. I understand you love him but if you have business to take care of you need to travel by yourself if he can't come.

Should I go to the doctor about my short term memory? If I don't write it down or do it right when I think about it I will completely forget.

Why do you only call when you want something?

Why have I not sent your thank you card? I feel so bad b/c I look at the card that is addressed to you at least 2 times a day.

I want to make a move but that is just not my style. My cousin told me to go for it.

I had more but that whole short term memory thing is serious.

Monday, October 13, 2008


So I have been thinking and I am in a funk. Everytime I go to church I get a renewed spirit and then something happens to make me forget it. Every time someone speaks about God to me or in my presence they tell me to pray for what I want. I pray for what I want and I get the exact opposite. Lately the only thing I have prayed for is a job so that probably tells you I have no job. What is a girl to do? I mean really what am I to do. I can't even get a regular job b/c I have a law degree. I am truly confused--maybe I need to talk to my pastor.

I am ready to give up on men (don't think I am crossing to the other side). Nothing has happened I am just not feeling them right now. I wish they would go away for a little while and when they come back don't contact me.

My dad is slowly driving me crazy. I know he is concerned about me but why don't you understand I just don't want to talk. If I don't want to talk then I definitely don't want to attend a stranger's wedding rehearsal dinner or their wedding for that matter.

I hate federal holidays when you are expecting something in the mail.

I finally saw "Miracle at St. Anna". It was great--long and maybe too many stories in one but I appreciate what it taught me. It made me that much prouder of the progress that we have made in this country.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Tell 'Em How You Feel Thursday

While I was driving home from the museum on Sunday why did I hear a radio commercial for chapstick and the individual speaking had a lisp? Why oh why was that the case? Just wrong on so many levels.

My expectations and my reality almost have nothing in common. I am trying to work it out so the two can meet somewhere in the middle. I have been thinking about it a lot lately but not quite ready to write about it.

How old are you? Let your parents know your age. Is anyone in their household paying your bills. I can't even go into depth on that one.

You are cool people but I am confused on whether you are trying to holla or just using me to get back with old girl. I know the first won't happen and the second is b/t you and her and probably her boyfriend.

I visit a lot of blogs but comment on very few. I want to comment but sometimes I think I just don't have the right thing to say. There are a few bloggers out there that I know in real life and I am concerned about you but I don't know how to put that into meaningful words. Know that I e-love you and keep you in my prayers.

I have a friend who is always on some conspiracy theory type stuff. Can I just say everybody is not out to get Southerners, black people and women? Calm down shawty!

My calendar says fall and the leaves say fall but gosh darnit the weather did not get the memo. The leaves are beautiful! I mean I can't compare it to other parts of the country where they get a real fall but it is just beautiful.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


My 250th Post

So lately I have been doing a lot of thinking on education. I feel like education is an important part of life. I can't think of a time where I have not enjoyed education except for law school. I didn't like law school and maybe that was a sign I didn't heed but anyway moving on. When I was younger I knew I didn't understand science. It was just too abstract for me--I know that makes no sense. I guess the best way to describe it is I need an example of what you are telling me. It isn't easy to give an example of everything scientific. I liked the simple math but when they started adding letters they lost me. I hated building on to something. Math just got harder. I understood but didn't like it much. I loved English and History. They just made sense to me. History was set in stone--I just had to learn it. English was English.

But the real point of this post is that I noticed that people are taking education for granted and not putting forth their best efforts. You can't put all the blame on the individual because there are people who are allowing it to happen. The best example I have of this is my 14 year old cousin. She is a freshman in high school. Her mother doesn't help her much with school work. I don't know if it is because she feels inadequate or what. Anyway my cousin will either ask me or my mother for help. When I help that is all I do is help. We will work on it together. I will give input and she will determine if that is correct. My mother on the other hand is just going to do the work for her. She has had two projects that we have known about this year and my mother has done both of them. She had to make a banner with Adink.ra symbols. My mother had one of her coworkers draw the banner. The second thing was a report on any state other than Georgia. My mother wrote the report and got somebody to draw a picture of the state. The sad thing is my mother is a teacher so she should know better. The other issue I had was that she got the information from a 1988 encyclopedia (you read that right). Obviously any numbers or figures were just wrong. Then my mother tried to change the date in the bibliography. Maybe the teacher won't fact check but the information is just wrong. What is the world coming to when an educator condones such actions. Trust and believe my mother never outright did my work. She would help but she never did it.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Why I Choose to Vote

This weekend I finally got to do it! I went to the High Museum of Art to see the exhibit: Road to Freedom (Pictures of the Civil Rights Movement 1956-1958). This was the best exhibit I have ever seen. It told the story of the movement by people who were there. It wasn't newspaper articles or a history book. I saw people who were there. It wasn't a reenactment.

I was told that I would get mad at what was done but I honestly didn't. I didn't get mad b/c I saw black people and white people in the museum together. It wasn't one of those times where I felt that only black people were concerned about black people. I was so excited to see white people looking at the exhibit--showing stuff to their children. No one was sweeping history under the rug.

I think my favorite part about the exhibit was the then and now pictures. They had the mugshots of the Freedom Riders and their current pictures. It told what they were doing now.

The only thing that bothered me was this older white lady who was looking at the picture and talking to her friend about the exhibit. She was talking about how she was sheltered from this. She never saw any of this stuff when it happened. There goes that sweeping stuff under the rug. I know it wasn't her fault but what bothered me is there are other people out there in the world just like her. There are people who don't know what black people went through to actually exercise their right to vote. She didn't know that people were being killed and shot at to the extent they were. She was literally living the good, sheltered life. In some cases it is true--ignorance is bliss. I am glad that she was able to look at the pictures and learn the history of what people who look just like me went through in the 50s and 60s.

Today was the last day of the exhibit and I am so glad that I got to experience it. Because of these pictures I will proudly walk up to the voting booth and make my decision on November 4, 2008. I usually vote in every election but now I have even more reason. I am standing on the shoulders of great people who I don't even know but I do want to let them know that their struggle was not in vain.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Tell 'Em How You Feel Thursday

Just so you know DollFace-I love you! Thank you for letting us in to see what you see in the mirror. I can relate on some levels.

Why do I keep finding these men who want me and I don't want them? Why can't I just say no? I want to like the nice guy but there are so many reasons for me not to. Reason no. 1: I am not attracted to you at all. (Probably never will be because we clearly live in separate states and I am not making any moves to visit you.)

Project Runway is out to get me! That just wasn't cute at all. I will leave it at that in case Jameil is reading.

I thought my mom bought the Hawaiian Punch for the little kids to drink. It was all a front. She bought that crap for herself. I just want to say that is nasty.

Since my grandmother hasn't cooked in forever she has become too good for leftovers. This woman told me she didn't have anything to eat for lunch. The day before she ate some of the spaghetti I cooked (yeah the turkey spaghetti she claimed to hate a couple of weeks ago but had no problem enjoying it this time) and there was some leftover. She said she wasn't eating leftovers and I needed to go get her a sub. She then told me not to get her a sub with all that ketchup on it. I was dying inside (from the laughter) b/c I knew she was talking about the meatball sub.

I just happened to come across the blog of a Hillary supporter who then became a McCain supporter. That chick is crazy. She said that Obama is racist and sexist and he is only 12% African American among other things. Ok that was just doing too much. Ok I can understand you not voting for someone who is racist and sexist (if that is what you belive) but what does his racial makeup have to do with anything?

Can I just say I love when a man takes charge? I say I am independent and all that jazz but in all actuality I just want someone to take care of me. I still want the man to consult me on some things though. That wasn't one of them. :)

I took myself to the movies on Saturday to see the Tyler Perry movie. I enjoyed the movie for the most part and I was happy to see that no woman was saved by her big black knight. I was a little disturbed by the whole husband situation. They could have left out the road trip just to give me a little more background story about the white couple and black couple. I have to give Sanaa props on being an evil woman. I don't think this was that far from other roles--at some point during every movie she is in she plays the dumb woman for some man (she clearly did that).

I forgive you for the hurt you caused me. I am coming to terms with it and one day soon I think we will back to where we were.

My granny got dressed today for the first time since her surgery. She is so random. I bought her new pants with a draw string and she said they fit. My cousin brought her some of her old pants and do you know that is what the woman put on. I want my money back.

Thanks Midori for helping me. I have a few questions and I will email you soon.