So I have been thinking about how I react when "he" pisses me off and I am becoming one of those women I don't want to be. When he pisses me off instead of a need to look at the situation and deal with it and him, I will call other guys to get attention from them. I don't do anything with them but I just want some man to pay attention to me. I know where this stems from--I have "daddy" issues. I know I need to work those out but it is so difficult to talk to my dad. He thinks that I don't like him b/c he dated his girlfriend. I could care less about their relationship--if he likes it I love it.
The biggest issue I have with my father is the lack of helping my mother out. My mother has sacrificed from day one and I can't say the same for him. My mother never took him to court for child support so he didn't have to take care of me. I just feel like if you make a baby you should take care of the baby. I can remember one time when I was in college my father didn't help my mother pay my room and board b/c he wanted to buy a new car. My mother had enough money to pay for half of my room and board. My mother came up with the other half of my room and board. I just hate that my mother was always sacrificing like she created me all by herself.
I never really thought about how this affected me when I was younger. When I was younger I remember dating this guy and we talked regularly about how my dad treated me. Whenever he did something that upset me (not being there when I needed him) he would always apologize and say that he wanted to treat me better than my father did. I appreciated that so much. We remained friends up until a couple of years ago. He eventually abandoned me for some woman who had way more daddy issues than I could ever think about.
I see how my relationship with my father has messed up other relationships. I need to forgive him to ensure that when the man that God is preparing for me comes along I will be in the best position to make that relationship work. I am working on forgiving him--I pray regularly that God shows me how.