Friday, May 9, 2008

Tears

This morning I cried. I haven't cried in a long time but I am just tired. I am tired of people telling me to keep the faith or it must be frustrating to not have a full time job and you graduated over a year ago. I am tired of running around for other people. I am just tired. I need a break. The pressure is getting to me. Believe me I am keeping the faith. I don't think I would be here right now if I didn't keep the faith. It is hard knowing that I work hard and the only thing I have to show for it is thress pieces of paper (undergrad degree, law degree and certificate from the courts of GA saying I can practice) and no real paycheck. This all started b/c my mother is always sending me on errands for her at the last minute.

Yesterday I had to drive to her to give her money that she didn't have b/c she doesn't trust people with her check card. Mind you she had just left the house where she could have gotten the money from me then. What made it that much worse was I had no gas in my car and I was driving somewhere that I had already been that day (it wasn't a short distance and gas cost at the cheapest $3.63). She has to get her car service but she should have done this weeks ago b/c I told her about 3 weeks ago that her car cut off on me. She also needs to get her windshield fixed. This is fine but I have to do all the work. She wanted me to wake up this morning to take her to work. That would be fine if my body didn't hate being late--I can't oversleep when I have something to do so my body wakes up at least an hour before it is time to go. This morning my body decided to wake up around four. I have been awake for about 4 hours and I have to wake up early tomorrow morning to drive to NC. I can't take a nap or go back to sleep b/c I have to get ready for the trip to NC and I have a closing. So I was supposed to drive her to work which is a 45 minute drive, then drive back home, take her car to get checked. Then I had a hair appointment which had to be moved up b/c I have a closing. After I rush through the closing I was going to have to drive to pick her up from work, rush home and get everything notarized, then rush to FedEx to make sure the package got out on time. I also have to find someone to scan my transcript so I can apply to a job that closes today. I would have had the transcript sooner but of course the school has yet to send the transcript. I am tired of doing all her errands b/c she waits to the last minute.

I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to my family reunion so yesterday I finally told my dad. He was mad at me but I honestly don't care. I don't do family reunions b/c I refused to pay to see people I can see for free. The family members that I wouldn't normally see don't speak to me so why subject myself to that. This all started b/c he wanted me to speak at the family reunion. That would be ok if I hadn't told him about two months ago that I don't do public speaking. There is a reason why I don't want to do litigation. I hate public speaking. The one thing I hated most about law school was the socratic method. The first time I was called on I completely froze up and the teacher had to call on someone else. I hate to speak in front of people and I think I always have.

I am frustrated. Thanks for listening--I needed to get that out. I hope it made sense.

6 comments:

DollFace said...

Yup...it does make sense. That's what we're here for...so you can get it all out.

Hopefully the wedding will be a de-stressor for you.

DAVIA said...

I feel your pain soror...it took me a year to get a job with a master's...i was working at the mall for 7 months before I got my fulltime job in my field...you will get there, TRUST ME!

jameil1922 said...

BREATHE BABY BREATHE!! JUST BREATHE! sigh. too many of us have been there. aren't jobs supposed to fall in our laps when we graduate???

Myra said...

I empathize with you! Keep your head up - sounds cliche, but it works!

Love you!

Miss B said...

Awwww!!!! It will be ok girl!!! That's why you have this blog to get it all out!!!

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

i so feel your pain. i'm ready to move back to tallahassee (6 hours away) every time the family starts acting up; acting like they weren't surviving when i was away at school for 5 yrs.

turn your phone off. or even better, hit ignore and don't feel bad abt it.