Friday, November 16, 2007

One Man, Too Many Tears

I have been talking to one of my friends lately about relationships, mainly because she is older and wiser. I listen but I also take into consideration that I have to make my own decisions. She also talks to me about her man issues. I listen and try not to be judgmental of the man. We all know how we have this intuition that tells us that a friend's man isn't any good but we may not say anything because she has to find out on her own and we don't want to sound like a broken record. This is all to say that when she talked about her boyfriend/significant other it just didn't sound right to me.

We had a conversation a few weeks ago and she told me how she has never met his family. She also said that she has never been to church with him, that wouldn't be that bad if he wasn't the pastor of a church. During their relationship it took her seven months to make it to his house. She eventually told me that she knew a few friends and one of his brothers. These were all signs.

The other day I received an email from her as to why she hasn't contacted anybody lately. She hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks because she decided that they needed space and they needed to work through some things if they were to continue in the relationship. They talked to each other by phone the other day. When she talked to him she said she didn't care one way or the other if they were going to be together. During this heated conversation he proposed. She accepted but said it wouldn't be official until she received her ring.

Well after the conversation she talked to one of her friends and they thought about all the stuff he had said to her. These conversations led her to call his family. She called his father's church and spoke with the church administrator. The lady proceeded to tell her that he was not a doctor as he said he was and he had gotten married three months before. Later his stepmother called and talked to her. The stepmother told her how he has told many lies and has even been locked up for impersonating people.

This is all to say that I saw that something was wrong in the relationship but would have never guessed that the situation was that deep. I can only imagine how she must feel. This does tell me that if something doesn't feel right let it go. Don't hold on to something that doesn't need to be held on to.


Stacie von Kutieboots said...

whoa. that is soooo deep.

i know the feeling. you want to help your friend but if she doesn't see (or WANT to see) it for herself, your words are in one ear and out the other.

Kitty said...

Thanks for writing this.